Loss of a one, more or all multiple birth children
Through our Loss of Multiples Support Network, Multiple Births Canada offers support to parents and families who have lost one, more or all of their multiple birth children. The loss of a child is a devastating experience and one that any parent is ill-prepared to handle. Such a loss is not only the wrong order of life; it's just not fair!

With the increase in multiple births, unfortunately, there is also an increase in the loss of one, more or all babies. Bereaved parents of multiples experience their loss on several levels:

1. The loss of one, more or all of their precious babies;
2. The loss of a unique parenting experience;
3. Some times the loss of a safe place to grieve;
4. If there are survivors, the children themselves lose the experience of a unique co-multiple sibling relationship.

For parents who learn that they will have twins, triplets or more, the fantasies quickly take over as they proudly "display" their babies in their minds to family and friends. There is worry about the practical issues such as to the logistics of bathing all of these babies, getting them onto the same schedule or financial concerns. The prospective parents worry about the size of their house (especially if there are other children already in the family) or the fact that the family will need a bigger car. These fantasies are quickly shattered when they learn that one, more or all of the babies will not survive. The future is changed forever; our innocence is lost.

It is not unusual for bereaved parents of multiples to feel like "outsiders" when faced with finding a safe place to express and/or share their grief. Families who have lost all of their babies can feel an inability to connect with or acceptance into the grieving group by families whom have lost only one. There is very little commonality to connect them in their grief.

Families with surviving multiples can face even bigger challenges. Losing a triplet can bring some very poignant remarks: "You could never have handled triplets anyway." "Get on with it! You have two other children that need you." One mother of a surviving twin who attending a Bereavement Support Group was angrily confronted by a bereaved mother who lost her singleton baby - "Why are you here? You have a baby, I have none!" Statements such as these quickly undermine a multiple birth family's feeling of security within the bereavement group setting and/or leave them feeling guilty and confused as they try to come to terms with the fact that even though they may have a surviving child(ren), they also lost a child(ren). Guilt becomes a dominant emotion as they struggle to make sense of the words flung at them and to find balance in this very sad situation.

What is not considered is that children are not interchangeable and having a survivor(s) does not make up for the precious baby(ies) that has died. It is essential that all bereaved families have a safe and secure place to mourn their loss(es). One mother of two surviving triplets reported that she was "not allowed" to mourn the loss of her baby and subjected to inappropriate comments and opinions when she tried to acknowledge his birth and death. She ended up simply feeling guilty about mourning him while having two other healthy babies and in the end kept her thoughts and feelings to herself. Needless to say, she lost sleep, her appetite and became very depressed.

We cannot move forward in our lives without mourning our loss(es) and taking appropriate steps to try to integrate the pain into our day-to-day lives. No easy task in the face of the loss of a much-wanted baby(ies). Every bereaved parent is entitled to a safe, secure and non-judgmental place to grieve and the Loss of Multiples Support Network attempts to provide this support system to our bereaved families.

Some of the reasons for loss from our Support Network members:

• Asphyxiation
• Cancer (brain tumor)
• Chronic Lung Disorder
• Congenital Heart Defect
• Fetal/Maternal Hemorrhage
• Knot in the Cord
• Miscarriage
• Placenta Abruption (interruption of the blood flow to the placenta)
• Prematurity (25 weeks + 1 day to 38 weeks)
• Proteus (infection)
• Severe Preclamsia (in the mother)
• Severe Prematurity (25 weeks or earlier)
• Spina Bifida
• Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS)
• Traffic Crash
• Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome
• Umbilical Cord Compression (accidental)

For more information on ordering Multiple Births Canada’s Bereavement resources and how to order, visit our Publications page. Members can access the fact sheets for free from the Members only section and receive a 20% discount on other publications.

Please consider making a donation to the MBC Loss Support Network.  For more information, click here - Donate to the Loss Support Network.

As well, please consider submitting a memorial for the Memorial page and/or photos for the Loss Support Network member's photo gallery.

Loss Reading List

The Reading List section of this website contains a Loss section and a Surviving Adult Co-Multiples section that may be helpful.

Loss Support Web Sites

Lynda P. Haddon - www.multiplebirthsfamilies.com
Pre and Post natal information for families expecting twins, triplets and more. Also bereavement support and resources for families losing one, more or all of their multiple birth babies or infants. Provides support for adult surviving co-multiples as well.

Centre for Loss in Multiple Birth (CLIMB) – www.climb-support.org
U.S. multiple birth support organization for loss in multiple birth

The Fetal Treatment Center - http://fetus.ucsfmedicalcenter.org/twin

Detailed information for parents whose monozygotic (identical) babies have Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS).

Loss of All in Multiple Birth Support (LAMB) - www.erichad.com/pom.support.html

Multiple Birth Association Bereavement Support Group (M-BABS) - www.amba.org.au/bereavement
Volunteer, non-profit support group - affiliated with Australian Multiple Birth Association (AMBA) - by and for bereaved multiple birth families, caregivers and interested others, suffering loss at any stage of gestation or age. Quarterly newsletter, "Multiple Dreams" and Australian distributor of CLIMB's quarterly "Our Newsletter". Offers phone contact, support group meetings, library and resources, and parent contacts in Australia and worldwide.

Murraylands Twin Loss - www.murraylandstwinloss.org.au
Specializing in Twin Loss Educational Resources - Australian website by Lynne Schulz - author of "The Diary" and "The Survivor". Lynne Schulz is also the creator of the Apex Australia Twin Loss Awareness Kit which was recognized in 2003 with the South Australia Premier’s Community Service Encouragment Award.

Robin Bear - www.pain-heartache-hope.com
Web Site for families experiencing loss through miscarriage, still birth, infancy. Many different support choices to join, e.g. pregnancy after loss.

Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS) - www.tttsfoundation.org
Solely dedicated to providing immediate and lifesaving educational, emotional and financial support to families, medical professionals and other caretakers before, during and after a pregnancy diagnosed with TTTS.

Twinless Twins - www.twinlesstwins.org

Support for adult surviving co-multiples

MOST Online - www.mostonline.org
Website and network for parents of triplets, quadruplets and more. Memorial page and Loss of a Multiple package available.

Compassionate Friends - www.compassionatefriends.org
Support organization for those suffering a loss.

Prematurity - www.preemieparents.com
Information for parents with premature babies including multiples and the loss of a multiple.

Multiplicity:  The Special Challenges of Parenting Twins & More - www.synspectrum.com/multiplicity.html

Loss, prematurity and special needs

The Canadian Foundation for The Study of Infant Deaths - www.sidscanada.org
P roviding current and accurate information and emotional support to families who have suffered the devastating experience of an infant death due to SIDS.

Bereaved Families of Ontario – www.bereavedfamilies.ca
Providing support to parents who have lost a child to death and to children, adolescents and young adults who have lost a parent or sibling.

Perinatal Bereavement Services Ontario – www.pbso.ca
Providing bereavement support services to families who have experienced a miscarriage, medical termination, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth or infant death .

More website links on Bereavement can be found on the MBC Website Links page.

To contact the Chair person of the Loss of Multiples Support Network, e-mail loss@multiplebirthscanada.org. If you are interested in becoming a loss parent contact, please contact the Chair person.