by Linda Warren Camus

"Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to get two children ready for school and on the bus, as you simultaneously get yourself dressed and off to work. You must not give-in to their sinister ploys. They may appear as innocent children, but they are trained in the fine art of procrastination and obstruction. Don't be fooled, their stalling tactics are advanced, and they are the master of diversion. Good luck."

Okay how many moms are with me here? Getting ready for school is h-e- double hockey sticks. Getting them dressed, cleaned, both body and teeth, fixing their lunch and making sure they each have all their homework, all their boots, hats, mitts, pants and an extra pair of underwear thrown in for good luck. Mornings around my house are utter chaos. I have tried everything - I put cereal boxes between them so they can't see each other. (They sneak under the table to carry on conversations.) I give them each different bathrooms and different rooms to get ready - (they bang on the walls "just to see if the other one is still alive"). I tried getting them dressed before they eat (bad idea, real bad idea). Giving bonuses to the one who gets ready first (who am I Bob Barker?) It doesn't matter what I do... there always seems to be that mad rush to catch the bus. "WILL YOU GUYS HURRY UP AND STOP GOOFING AROUND!!" was that me? Do I really scream that loud? I am not the best in the morning at any time, but compound the extra effort it takes to undo everything my two have succeeded to do in order to make us late for the bus. AHHH! And then of course there's the long walk to the bus, all the way down to the end of the driveway and across the street to the neighbours. (Okay it may not seem that long to you - but it is if you're still in your slippers on a January morning, with the dog in tow.) The interesting part is that my loving husband always seems to have left for work before this daily ritual takes place. But surprisingly enough, on the days the kids don't go to school (PD days, doctor appointments, etc.) those are the same days his "morning meetings" are cancelled, and he doesn't have to go to work that early. Go figure. There's a sinister plot here. Okay so we're fairly organized - I have it down to a science (I was never that good in science) and four out of five times we actually make the bus. So today after sending them off, I sat down to finish my tea and read all the papers that get sent home from school everyday. One notice in particular caught my eye, "Please note - parents on route 72 - due to an increasing number of students taking this bus we are forced to make two runs. All those living (in my area) please note, commencing Monday the bus will arrive at your bus stop 10-15 minutes earlier. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!