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Happy Birthday to Us!
Co-writers: Bonnie L. Schultz & Lynda P. Haddon
Birthday parties are important events in every child's life. Whether the multiples are the guests or the guests of honour, parents can ensure that birthday parties are happy, successful occasions for everyone involved.
Recommendations From Parents
1st Birthday: it's really your party, so keep it simple and in the family - eat what YOU like and take lots of pictures. Cupcakes as 'birthday cakes' at this age work very well. Just be very careful of fire and make sure that your baby and toddler children are well supervised whenever candles and fire are involved. Discourage friends and families from sending cards marked 'Happy Birthday to the Twins'. Whose album does it go in? Who rips open the envelope? Someone is going to be disappointed. Make it clear right from the beginning how you want things handled.
2nd Birthday: keep it simple and in the family - unwrapping is the highlight! Separate cakes are fun but not necessary.
3rd Birthday: you might choose to have the parties a day (or a week) apart or not. It probably will depend on your energy levels and personal preferences - cakes and new friends are highlights. Food should be geared for kids. Games need to be very easy and physical - have blocks or some common toys as children arrive - encourage parents to stay around for a while. Separate cakes may become an issue by this age and in order to help keep the peace (e.g. who gets to blow out the candles first). Sing Happy Birthday twice, once each time a cake is brought in. It could work to have a children's movie or video for all to watch as entertainment.
When The Multiples Are The Guests Of Honour
- Decide whether the children will have a single party or separate parties - do whatever makes sense for your children and fits in with your energy levels.
- Preschool: they often have many friends in common and would enjoy a combined party. You may try to pick a common theme - or with mixed sex multiples you might chose Cowboy/Cowgirl; space man/woman; or action figure such as Wonder Woman and Spider Man.
- Older multiples: hold combined party with each child sending individual invitations to his or her special guests. We found it very easy with our same sex twins and had one sit at each end of the table with their friends around them.
- Clearly state on the invitation whom the party is for.
- Send separate invitations to each guest, even for a combined party.
- Friends in common get two (or more!) invitations from the child who wants to invite them.
- A note tucked into the invitation for the parents can avoid any awkwardness and help make it clear who is inviting whom.
- You may wish to add to the note 'only ONE gift please' or suggest a game that the children may play all together.
When Multiples Are The Guests
- Send separate invitations to all the members of a set of multiples to ensure that each child feels honored to be invited;
- Group invitations confuse preschoolers;
- Most parents of multiples prefer that each child be treated as an individual;
- It is always a good idea to talk to the multiples' parents before sending the invitation so that the parents can be prepared to answer any questions that there children might have.
When Your Child Is A Guest At A Party For Multiples
- Similar gifts make sense when the children's tastes are similar or when the children are very young, but do not be afraid to send different gifts;
- The excitement can be lost in opening similar gifts because whatever one received, the other received;
- Older multiples are able to handle dissimilar gifts and will prefer a gift that reflects their individual interests;
- When in doubt, call the parents to clarify what might work best
Keep The Birthday The Main Focus
Kids hate to wait until the weekend if their birthday actually falls on a Tuesday - you may also choose to make the day itself a very special event. The entire family can participate, give beautifully wrapped gifts and sing 'Happy Birthday' on the day itself. If you are a full-time working parent, you might chose to take a vacation day to just have fun with the birthday kids! Establish some traditions and give your children many happy birthday memories to look back on. Some traditions could include: a birthday flag flying outside, balloons on the front door or lamp post; birthday banner; no household chores on your Birthday; visiting someone who cannot get out; any other tradition that may be important to you and your family.
Gift Giving Etiquette
It is strongly recommended that you never, ever permit grandparents, close relative or even yourself to 'combine' birthday and holiday gifts for your multiples. One of the biggest complaints we receive from adult children is their disappointment about combining birthdays and holidays. Your birthday is a special day and while it will involve extra work for you as parents, bite the bullet and make your children's birthday, a special birthday.
The main idea to get across at gift-giving times is that the multiples are individuals. When someone asks what to buy or make as a gift, do not be shy about telling them about each child's interests.
Below are some ideas how to give the 'same' gift to each multiple while respecting each one's individuality. When each multiple has different interests, giving different gifts may still cause 'war' to break out between them. Remember, kids under three years old are not good at sharing.
Gift-Kits
Cooking Kit - a decorated box containing cooking sheet, cookie cutters, cookie mix and a recipe book for kids
Fix-It Kit - a toolbox with hammer, nails, pliers, screwdriver, and a basic how-to manual
Office Kit - writing tablets, felt tip pens, coloured markers, hole punch, stapler, ruler, and roll of tape, stamp pad and rubber stamps. Stickers, pen, pencil & eraser and some stencils - all packaged in a plastic box or briefcase.
Hair Kit - elastics, bobby pins, barrettes, headband, comb, hairbrush, bottles of shampoo and conditioner. You might add some nail polish and remover depending upon the age of the child.
Some Ideas For Parties:
- Most theatres have movie passes and a party room - check them out;
- Swimming complexes and wave pools will also have party rooms and party catering;
- When our girls were 13 years old, we took them and one friend each white water rafting. It was absolutely terrific;
- When our girls were 6 years old, we had a Tea Party Birthday Party. Everyone came dressed in their 'best' dress-up clothes and hats, makeup and jewellery. I made bite size sandwiches and cookies and we served everything on the girls' toy dishes. They poured Kool-Aid and Apple Juice 'Tea' themselves. It was wonderful and the photos show the joy and pleasure on the faces of many excited little girls;
- Your community may have other complexes that cater to children's parties. Keep in mind the ages of your children when making your selections: Nature Museum, laser quest, Gym-Jam (climbing, crawling and hanging children's play area), country fair, bumper cars, check out your local ice cream parlour;
- Ask other parents what they have done and what worked well for them. Sleepovers are quite popular but did not work for us. Some of the kids didn't sleep all night and we, as parents, were just exhausted as well the next day. If you chose to have a sleepover, keep the numbers low (from One Who Knows J)
Loot Bags
These can drive you crazy or not! Save all year for inexpensive items to include in Loot Bags. Here are some ideas:
- School items such as fancy pencils, pens, erasers, stickers, rubber stamps, key chains, crayons or coloured pencils;
- Candy for sure! There are many types and styles depending on the children's' ages. Kinder Surprise is great for about ages 4 and up.
- Keep an eye out for puzzles, small games, scratch pads, and those wonderful 'magic' sheets that you can write on, lift up the top sheet and begin again. One parent saved McDonald's toys and put them in loot bags. I always included a balloon as well.
- One year I took one of those really neat colouring books that require only a paint brush and water. The colours appear when the water is applied. I rolled the colouring book into a roll and secured it with an elastic band, stuffed in some wrapped candies and wrapped the whole thing in brown paper, tucking in the ends and voila!
The important thing to remember is that Loot Bags don't need to be expensive, but they do need to be age appropriate and interesting. With a little thought and expense, you can be creative and provide Loot Bags that will be memorable. Check out your local Dollar Store for age appropriate items. If you book parties at any of the suggestions listed above, the Loot Bags are usually included. Be sure to ask when you make your inquiries.
Other Thoughts, Ideas and Suggestions:
It is recommended that each child have their own cake as soon as you feel it is important to them (that could be anywhere from age 2 on). I made their cakes, let them choose the flavour and decorated each with the icing of their choice (usually fudge icing) and their names. We sung Happy Birthday to each child as the cakes where individually brought into the room.
NOTE: Birthdays can be very difficult for your singleton children. You may need to work through negative and/or jealous feelings with your singleton children. I feel very strongly that each day belongs to whom it belongs to and when the rest of the birthdays roll around, that person is treated just as importantly and special. It makes it more difficult for singleton sibling(s) because 'So many are having cake and presents at the same time, and I'm not'. Be aware of the possible impact on your other children as a result.
Some families can get very involved in Birthday Party Planning and it will depend on your personal preferences, how many kids are involved and how much money you want to spend. Some will hire a clown or magician. Some go horseback riding or have a pool party. Both of the two latter will require the exploration of essential safety issues. In most municipalities, personal pool parties require Professional Lifeguards in place per number of children. It is always better to err on the side of caution.
Childhood passes quickly, so keep the memories alive by maintaining a small photo album for EACH child. Every year, write stories; add photos of what occurred on their actual birthday and on the day of the special event you planned for them. Someday that book will be a treasure for your children - seeing how they grew, changed and celebrated from year to year.
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