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Lone Parenting of Multiples
Some parents are single by choice, while others are separated, divorced, widowed or never married. There are custodial and non-custodial parents, and parents who are not technically single, but who function much the same way as a lone parent due to the illness or travel (or long work hours) of their spouses.

However you became a lone parent, most would agree lone parenting multiples presents even more of a challenge. Giving individual attention to each of your multiples, making your singleton feel special, or trying to quiet two or more colicky babies, are just a few of the ways lone parenting of multiples differs from the general lone parent population.

For these parents, there are also similarities: the need to spend time alone, financial concerns, and the need to associate with other adults. There may be feelings of guilt, isolation and exhaustion as well.

By taking care of yourself, you can eliminate most of the stress in your life. Get rid of all the needless guilt and give yourself that deserved pat on the back. Plenty of parents do not manage as well as you do. It is important to remember, when your needs are met you will also meet the needs of your children.

Support : Most communities have self-help groups at little or no cost. These groups enable parents to swap ideas and draw support from one another. The feelings and struggles you are experiencing are common among lone parents. Some resource centres may even offer childcare while you attend support groups.

Make Time : As parents of multiples, we know too well, how little time there is for our children and ourselves. There is laundry, meals, housework, school and outside activities such as skating and swimming. There is never enough time to get what needs to be done let alone to enjoy a good book or a leisurely bath alone. Make the time! Prioritize, give yourself permission to be less than perfect and start taking care of yourself. When you feel better about yourself, you can feel better about your parenting skills.

Finances : Often a change in the family situation means a reduction in finances. Be sure to exercise all of you options. Networking with other parents in a similar situation is often your best bet. Government agencies aren’t in the habit of letting you know what is available to you. By checking with other parents who have been through the red tape, you will learn what works and what does not. Perhaps you have skills or a talent that you could swap for someone else’s talent or skills. Local churches or missions can also help out in a pinch.

Isolation : Watch out that isolation doesn’t get to you. Rid yourself of any guilt for making tim e to be with other adults. You will be a better parent by taking a break from you children. Resource Centres often offer childcare services while you complete a parenting course. Swap childcare times with a trusted friend. Try to attend your local Multiple Births Canada Chapter meetings. You will meet experienced parents that may be able to offer advice. If you can’t attend, subscribe to their newsletter and Multiple Moments. Join Multiple Births Canada’s Lone Parents Support Network by contacting the Chair person by e-mail loneparents@multiplebirthscanada.org and post your thoughts in the Lone Parenting Discussion Forum section of the Multiple Births Canada website.

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